People: “This is why we can’t have nice things!”

<me making changes>

Universe: “You can have some nice things!”

<me orders some things>

Stressed Government Service I’m Not Blaming: “Your things are arriving tonight. Your package is also in Pennsylvania. We’ll text you that again every day for a week.”

<me getting that text every day for a week>

Company: Hey, that thing we sent you isn’t what we wanted to send you.

Universe: <….>

<me calls in to check>

Stressed Government Service I’m Not Blaming: “Your stuff is definitely on the way, should be there tonight. Would you like me to text you the link to the report to file since your package is missing?”

Me: Yes please.

<gets text that my number cannot receive texts from their number>

People: “This is why-”

Me: “Shush. Blessings. Count them.”